Wednesday, June 30, 2010

8 months preggers

well, here we are, me and baby for surely not to be named russell. yeah, the space is getting a little cramped, but all is well. the quality of the pic is not great due to the fact that brad was online attempting to find a motor home we can rent in order to get to florida next winter without going bankrupt from the price of airline tickets, or going insane from three children and two us in the veen. anywho, here is another picture he took as i was attempting to grab the camera out of his hands. warning, it may be hard to look at the extreme size of the belly. 8 more weeks to go. whoa.

my last dr appt sandy had the boys so sonya and i got along much better without that distraction. i gained 0 pounds, so that gave us a conversation focus. no worries really, just not what we'd like to see. i feel the babe is taking from my legs as they seem to be appearing more and more chicken like as the summer progresses. also, i am measuring small which is again not really a concern as i did the same with both boys. as dr taylor said, we dont need me to have a 10 lb child because then it would probably never come out.

thinking about the fact that i have 8 weeks to go in this pregnancy makes me relieved and concerned simultaneously. i am relieved that the discomforts have an end in sight and the countdown is on for meeting this precious child. i long to be a complete fam of five and stop being pregnant with the emotions and the aches and the heartburn and whatnot. i do not feel at all prepared for the birth of baby however. no place is ready for the babe to sleep as wes is still in the nursery and the upstairs toy room is still in complete disarray. still waiting for the nesting instinct to overcome the exhaustion in order to get some work done in that aspect. expecting baby also makes me severely insecure about my current mommying. i feel i am not excelling enough to bring another child into the mix. this emotion is a mix of pregnancy hormones, swim lesson sadness from maxer, and my general lack of confidence in my own abilities as a mom. i know is sure could not love my babies more, but just not sure i am great at raising them all the time. i mean, this is a huge undertaking and i want to do right by them in every single circumstance. the most important objective i desire to teach my children, living to glorify god, is perhaps the most difficult. thank you jesus i can rely on your love and strength and guidance for this most important duty. i pray i may seek after him so passionately that my boys have an example to follow and my confidence and security may be found in jesus alone.

okay, so there ya go. off to empty the dishwasher. this i can handle ;)

1 comment:

  1. I love you girl... You look beautiful! You are an awesome Mommy. I will be praying for health and safety for the rest of the pregnancy and of course for the delivery and recovery :). I love you girl!