i had spent much of tuesday morning and monday evening preparing my heart for this occasion. i determined to choose enthusiasm and excitement for this chapter of life rather than grief and fear at the unknown. the choice was easy, but the work was difficult as my heart broke at leaving my baby boy behind for longer than we have practically ever been seperated. lots of the feelings were selfish, and lots were because of maxwell's own apprehension. he does not know what to expect in this new setting and has suddenly become the youngest and newest member of school whereas he has always been the oldest in our fam, the leader of the adorables.
i allowed the lord to minister to my fearful heart, and he proclaimed that perfect love does not have room for fear, and He loves perfectly. maxer is in the best of hands, his heavenly father's. so though i knew i would miss him terribley, i also rested in the peace that comes only from jesus.
the lord had been working in maxer's heart as well. our verse for devotions the week prior to school starting was "be kind to one another". this enabled us to have several meaningful conversations about saying kind words, doing kind things and practicing kindness at school. having that task before him at school seemed to provide maxer with purpose as he now begins to carry his own faith in a public context.
i tiptoed into max's room and opened the door so as to begin the waking up process. he came on down on his own and was ready for this new adventure. brad was able to accompany us to sandy view for this big occassion. his presence was strong and stable and comforting as i frantically whipped children and backpacks and indoor shoes into the veen.
when we arrived at school bradley gave our kindergartener a hug and a pep talk. he stayed behind with the other adorables while i walked max into his class and assisted with the indoor shoes and cubby routine. then while walking to his chair he quietly grabbed my hand. my heart literally became a pile of mommy ache. i settled him in and whispered that maybe grayson, the boy next to him who was crying, could use some kindness. maxwell looked at me and said, "ok, i will mom" . after telling him jesus and i loved him, i snuck away smiling.
i thanked mrs geukes the principal and found my beautiful fam in the veen waiting. as soon as i locked eyes on my husband, the tears escaped. not many, just enough to wash away my grief and make my way for my intense pride of maxer. brad joked that he saw lots of moms high fiving in the parking lot, how could i cry? but he knew. we dropped brad off at work and headed to the library without our oldest.
i could not be more proud of you maxwell alan meiste! i pray for you all day long, that god grant you the peace of his presence, that you need not fear the unknowns of your day because you have god with you, that you will be safe and sound and grow in knowledge and relationship. your kindergarten career has already made me a more prayerful mama, and i am so grateful to depend on the rock, our saviour. see you at 3:40!