Monday, October 10, 2011

24 hours

one day does not contain enough time for me to get done all i want/need/desire to do. i cannot pack all the working, cooking, cleaning, playing, sleeping, reading, conversing, and loving in despite my best efforts. there. i said it. there is really no use pretending i am on top of these things because i am so not. and i am mostly fine with this reality.

for regretting my decisions to venture to the beach instead of make dinner only makes matters worse, taking away the pure bliss from the beach outing and leaving any meal ideas far less acceptable when measured against what i should have done. these days go so fast. and i easily fall into the trap of mom guilt for not reading aloud for 20 minutes, wife guilt for digging through a pile of laundry on the bedroom floor in an effort to find clothes for brad to wear, employee guilt for only getting into stow once this week, and straight up all encompassing guilt for sneaking in a quick novel when my list of to-do's overflows pages after page.

instead of pondering the shoulds, coulds, woulds of these beautiful days i have determined to soak them up, taking what i am given and fully embracing it all. adoring the morning snuggles and cuddles and being grateful for a grandma who can love on the kids when i am working. this was such a work day that i left the house without a good morning from the baby who was still sleeping. i knew the choice before me was to sulk for not getting some ayla jo time this morning or to rejoice in the fact that grandma is getting a tiny break from having all three all the time this morn.

when i returned home from workies, i overlooked the breakfast and lunch dishes (and dinner dishes from last nights schoonveld meiste reunion). i sat at the table with my baby girl in my lap and my sons on either side. i grabbed a crayon from the thousands strewn across the table and proceeded to join in the leaf rubbings going on. after we all grew bored of that activity, i rocked the cupcake to nap and whisked the boys outside to find the combine with our all time fave farmer at the wheel.

maxer and weston were not that thrilled to ride. just kidding, they truly could not contain their excitement. day after day they ride, sometimes together, sometimes separate. i ask brad about their conversations and he relates that bear always asks what certain things "doos" and maxer just rides contentedly along.

with his face full of concentration and his cab filled with family, bradley.

grandma got to reminisce about days of old when she farmed this land. brad got to demonstrate his farming knowledge in his mommy's presence. the boys got to witness this beautiful mother/son love with their dad and grandma. and i got to soak it all up.

not a lot of room in the combine cab. so this is an amazing shot of my armpit and my son.

10nope. i cannot do it all. but i give all to what i do. and thank the lord for his mercies that are new every morning and his grace that uses my broken vessel to bless my fam with his love.

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